the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER