All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?