Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.