first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
These tits shall not be calmed
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
