He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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