Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize