Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
