Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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