I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
