my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize