I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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