U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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