i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
