Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
