You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
