I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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