he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
