they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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