were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
