No subtext here. People are naked.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
