Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I need a burrito and a hug.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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