i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
