So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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