i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
