i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We have started to decorate penises.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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