I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Panties = found
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
