you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
