What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
