I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
