dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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