she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
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Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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