My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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