my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Panties = found
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
