fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
