I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
