I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
