Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
