guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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