Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
