Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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