So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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