Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
