there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
