I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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