I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
