Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
