im about as happy as oj after his trial
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
