we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
