she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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