guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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