I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
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She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
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I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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