Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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