turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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