You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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