Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I wish there were birth control emojis
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
