I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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