everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
