just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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