you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
