alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
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