i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
